Awesome day

Today was wonderful.

Franklinton Gardens had a work crew of high schoolers come out today to volunteer. When I brought a group of them over to the garden at our house our neighbor kids naturally ended up in the garden with us trying to help. There was about 10 of them. I kept trying to find jobs for them to do, because they are so eager to help! They really only want to do jobs which include the use of tools somehow. I gave them three push mowers to start and they beautifully figured out that two at a time can do it if they each hold one side of the handle. Two by two they were holding onto the push mowers and cutting down grass as a team. “Look Ashley, we sharing this thing” (Awan).

After the grass was cut I gave them all shovels to help move some mulch and finally after all the work ran out they asked if they could just start digging holes. They were in the back yard where its just a bunch of dirt so I told them yes, it’d be helpful.

I love having them here even if they are just digging a hole in the dirt because they like to work and it occupies their time and makes them feel needed. They feel like they have been given a job and they need to complete it. They love learning about new tools and love being given the responsibility of using them.

A few weeks ago a kid who lives on our street, Vikeem (sp?) stopped by when I was outside building lettuce window boxes and he desperately wanted to help me drill in the screws. I was being anal and hesitant at first because I wanted them to be just right, but so did he, and so we worked together on that and built them perfectly. He’d never used a drill, said he has seen people use them and had always wanted to. I’m so honored that I got to be the one to teach him how to use a power drill. Thats cool. He said that maybe he could go into construction when hes older because he can drill and I told him he should.

Anyways, back to digging the holes. The kids kept finding things as they were digging (bricks, rocks, plastic, trash). When they found the brick they thought that maybe a house was under there and they could dig it up. Someone else thought that maybe there was treasure, or gold, so they kept digging. What a joy to overhear their conversations about what was under the ground.

Eventually we had to take the work crew back so I told the kids we had to go. But they wanted to come, and they wanted to carry all the tools so I brought them with me to walk the work crew back. They helped some more over at the farm house with a project Ryan (a friend of ours in the neighborhood) was working on. He was really really good with those kids. He was teaching them all kinds of things about garden beds and somehow even made it fun for the kids to shovel piles of mulch onto burlap sacks. He had a great way of engaging them while teaching them and kept calling shovels full of mulch “blobs.” Then started calling the kids blob-erators and they just ate it up. Then thwere asking questions thinking blob was a real garden word. I love seeing them smile and laugh at stuff like that. especially the ones who always try to act so tough. I was so proud of them. And Ryan too for being so great with them.

Then all 8 or 9 kids and I decided to walk up to the bike shop because they have been dying to see it. So we started that hike. Kids walk so darn slow. It was a nice walk. Nice to hear them interact with each other and I felt like one of them. I felt like a kid hanging out with my friends, roaming the streets. We went up to the bike shop, popped some bubble wrap, got a sense that we were bothering the boys working and decided to head home.

I loved being with them today. What great friends to have. What sweet little smiles to see and laughs to hear.

Responding to Violence

It’s taken me a few days to reflect on this incident I encountered the other day. It’s also taken me a few days “repent” from the way I responded to it. I feel like it’s a good experience to share.

Greg and I were driving back from dropping off Heather just after getting our bee hives. We were in the Franklinton Gardens Truck which looks something like this…

Needless to say, we don’t blend in well with other cars. We turned a corner and saw a group of about 20 kids all gathered around two children fist fighting. We pulled the truck over and as we did noticed our kids (by ours I mean the lovely kids that live next door to us that have become apart of our family and we are very protective over). Not only that but we noticed adults, mothers, watching this fight take place on their sidewalk. Also noticed an 18-year-old (ish) male shoving the kid who was trying to walk away from the fight, back into the circle. Every time the child stepped out and tried to talk away, the guy would push him back in the circle and tell him to fight. It wasn’t just kids slapping each other, this was a violent fight.

Greg jumped out of the truck and walked into the circle immediately to break the kids up. I started gathering all our kids and the kids on our street into the truck. By gathering what I really mean is a was sternly yelling at them to get in the truck and get away from this. When Greg asked the man in the circle why he pushing the kid into fight he went off and started threatening him. As the kids were loading up in the truck the police showed up and the man facilitating the fight instructed everyone to split. As he was walking away and walked past me and the kids in the truck I just lost it. I was so extremely emotional and fearful of what just happened and I was so angry at that man. I confronted him asking him why he is doing this to children and why he is exposing children to this kind of violence and who knows what else I said in the heat of the moment. He came back at me with some nasty names and a threat and a “you don’t know me.”

We got the kids home safe. Had a talk about what just happened and the fact that when they get old enough and the police show up to something like that and they are standing there that they will get arrested for even just being there. We talked about just walking away from those things because there is nothing good there to be influenced by. Not sure they really cared what I said but I love those kids so damn much and want to protect them from everything bad in the world. I don’t want these kids to grow up and resort to violence every time something goes wrong. I want these kids to have good lives. I don’t want to see them in fights or even worse, shot. These are the same kids that have come over in the morning before school to have us tie their shoes and now we are dragging them out of fights.

I know they are exposed to it a lot. I know they see fights almost daily. Violence seeps out of the sidewalks down here. But I am glad that at least this once we were able to get them out of the situation and let them know how damaging these things can be. Someone there to say that this isn’t normal and this isn’t ok.

I regret confronting that man the way I did. It’s not his fault. He was right when he said I don’t know him. I don’t know where he has come from or what he has seen or what he has been exposed to. It’s not right that he was pushing kids into fight, I am not justifying that at all. But talk about a man growing up in a terrible situation that has resorted to him thinking this kind of thing is ok. It was just as violent of me to come at him like I did. Rather than try to engage with him and talk rationally. I am never rational in those types of situations and how can you be?

Rain down justice upon us Lord, that we might live in peace.

lexy

I just ran out the door real quick to go borrow some powdered sugar from Patience’s house and our neighbor Alexis was outside. Alexis is 12. And we had the following conversation.

Lexy: “Hey Ashley”

Me: “Hey Lexy girl. Whats up?”

Lexy: “Guess what?”

Me: “What?”

Lexy: “I just saw a dog get killed.”

Me: “What?! Where?” Lexy points west. “How did it get killed?”

Lexy: “The po- lice shot it”

Me: “What? Why?”

Lexy: “I don’t they was arresting some man and the dog kept barking so they shot it 6 times in the throat”

In front of a 12 year old. Thanks for furthering the already present themes of death, violence, and murder in this neighborhood mr po-lice man. You are perpetuating a lie that so many people believe. You are just as much apart of the evil in this neighborhood. And people wonder why kids down here grow up not trusting cops.

Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy.

surviving winter

Picture update!
Greg and I in vermont before Christmas!

Sippin skinny girl margs with kelly and the buddah

the view from my bedroom window. such a beautiful tree. it gives me hope

Heath!

the newly weds :)

Superbowl Sunday

I came home from work today to a completely empty house... which is very unusual around these parts because when you live with 6 people there is bound to be someone around.

I heated up some leftover soup from the street church meal that our community makes and serves once a month (today was that day), got some water, buttered some bread, and sat. Alone. In the kitchen.

"I'm lonely" was my first thought... then I just absorbed the silence and thought "this is nice." Halfway through my bowl of soup I tuned on the Marie Antoinette soundtrack to keep me company, then felt guilty for not being able to sit in silence tonight.

While I do enjoy the occasional home alone times, living alone would make me a very sad and lonely lady. Especially in the winter when things feel sad as is.

Everyone is watching the super bowl, all the groceries stores have special displays, all the corporations have spent lots of money and time on the creation of clever commercials and I feel sickened over the thought that super bowl weekend is the one of the biggest human trafficking events in the U.S. Women (young women, minors) are being "shipped" down to Texas to meet the demand of all the men down there looking to purchase sex along with their football. Never mind that most of these men probably have children themselves, and are paying to have sex with another mans child. I hope that one day they will know the evil they have caused in seeking their own pleasure.

To my sisters being trafficked at this very minute, I am praying to our mother God for your rescue.

Grief

Yesterday, we buried our friend Junior.
I have been dreading a situation like this one ever since we entered into the lifestyle we have. Being this close to the suffering in this neighborhood makes one suffer a lot more. And now, our community is suffering a great loss. He was taken from us too early and too unexpectedly. My sweet memories of him have had me both crying and laughing the past few days. Junior was quite the character. We had a unique relationship with Junior that we don't have with our other homeless friends.

We were lucky to have seen him shortly before his death and remind him that we loved him. We will sorely miss you Junior, your loud ass voice and demanding demeanor. Your sweet smile and balding head. Your classic quotes: "bozo the clown, king of the morons!" "west by god Virgina". Your protection of us, your kids. Your protection of our front porch. Your singing. Your inappropriate remarks. Cleaning the wounds on your feet. You in Jonathan's bathrobe, six sizes too small. You talking to yourself in the garden. You running down the median with Kelly and I trying to see a fire down the street. Your crazy ass stories.

We are sorry for the times we had to turn you away. The times we were too busy or exhausted to take care of you. The times I avoided sitting next to you at church because I wanted to hear the message. All precious moments with you that were missed and I regret them. How I wouldn't love to have one more day with you. One more time to tell you how much we love you and how special you truly are.

We will visit you often in the garden at St Johns, and more importantly... we will keep telling your stories, as often as we can.

I had the honor of being able to read at Juniors funeral yesterday, to a church packed full of people that Junior has impacted over the years. I read "On Death" from the book The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran. The end of that reading is beautiful and peaceful and is helping me cope.

It reads;
"For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is it to cease breathing but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?

Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance."

You are free Junior. Free from the cold, the pain, the suffering. Free from illness, from hunger, from rejection, from hurt. You have a home, a new body, perfect health, warmth, and love from a source that we are all so far from. You are singing and dancing with your creator. And you are probably sitting in a big chair, watching us, laughing, calling us bozo's.


I am grieving. We as a community are grieving, and I have always liked what Anne Lamott has to say about grief...

"All those years I fell for the great palace lie that grief should be gotten over as quickly as possible and as privately. But what I've discovered since is that the lifelong fear of grief keeps us in a barren, isolated place and that only grieving and heal grief; the passage of time will lessen the acuteness, but time alone, without the direct experience of grief, will not heal it."

"I'm pretty sure that it is only by experiencing that ocean of sadness in a naked and immediate way that we come to be healed- which is to say, that we come to experience life with a real sense of presence and spaciousness and peace."

Troop Franklinton

Two of my best friends and I decided one day to start a girl scout troop in Franklinton.

We did the training and stuff and finally had our first meeting last night at St Johns.

Thirteen beautiful and broken girls showed up to meet their 3 beautiful and broken leaders...

we had to ask one girl to leave because she was crazier then any of us knew what to do with. very broken girl in probably a very broken situation.

one precious girl, when answering what girls scouts means to her said,

"we (girl scouts) are BRAVE."

it broke my heart.

later she asked what we are supposed to do if someone comes to girl scouts to beat us up?

we (troop leaders) shocked, looked around awkwardly and then explained that this was a safe place and people we were not going to come here to beat us up.

and another little girl asked what we are to do when people break in to get us.


that fucked me up. how the fuck do you answer 5 and 6 year olds asking these kind of questions.

this is no troop beverly hills...